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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28244544">Here Without You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alltheshrinks/pseuds/Alltheshrinks'>Alltheshrinks</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Infidelity Verse [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Infidelity, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:28:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,325</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28244544</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alltheshrinks/pseuds/Alltheshrinks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the Three Doors Down song Here Without You, If you are unfamiliar with it, I'd check it out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jared Padalecki/Other(s), Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles/Other(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Infidelity Verse [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1886815</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Here Without You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>All of these verses are stand alone and can be read separately, though it is helpful to read the others. The only thing you need to know is that J2 are married to other people, but have had an on again, off again relationship for almost their entire adult life.</p><p>Comments make me insanely happy, I love engaging with all of you. Follow me over on Twitter @tltm78</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jensen looks at the calendar on his desktop, it is one of those large, planning calendars that have spaces to write in upcoming events. The thing is antiquated, all of the pertinent information he uses to keep track of dates and meetings are stored on his phone. The only thing it is good for is marking the passage of time, glaringly forcing him to watch as the days fly by. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It has been one-hundred days since he last saw Jared, almost as many since he has heard the other man’s voice. He is one-hundred days older and one-hundred days closer to having another child, but he feels like he is adding family members, but losing the only person that truly matters. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He packs up his briefcase and shrugs on his jacket, it is well after five and he can’t look at his computer screen any longer today. He needs to get out of here, a drink, hell he probably needs a therapist, but he knows that none of those things will help; it doesn’t stop him from turning out the light and leaving the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The drive home is routine, he has made it countless over the years and almost doesn’t remember it when he pulls in the garage. He needs to stop being so distracted, especially right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jared is tucked into his side, breath coming out evenly and low, there is barely any light shining into the hotel room, but Jensen knows it has to be early morning. The warm skin against his own has started to perspire, leaving the wet evidence pooled against his own. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What is it?” Jared says, not bothering to open his eyes. “I can hear you thinking.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen pulls the other man closer to him, “I have something to tell you and you probably aren’t going to like it.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That does get Jared’s attention and the younger man turns his body towards Jensen’s, sleepy eyes now focused and awake. Jared doesn’t say anything, just lets the other man tell him in his way. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ella is pregnant, we didn’t plan it, but it happened. I’m going to be a father,” Jensen can’t even fake being happy about the news, and Jared’s heartbreaks. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jared is shell-shocked at first, then he gets his bearings and answers, “What do you want me to say? That you should have used protection? Congratulations on being tied to her for another eighteen years? Help me out, Jensen.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen stares at the ceiling, his misty eyes making it distorted and unfocused, “I don’t know, maybe that it is all going to be okay?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jared shoves the covers back and sits up against the headboard, sheet pulled up over his waist, protecting what little modesty that he has left. “Well, it isn’t okay. Nothing about this whole situation is okay.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen is shocked at the other man’s words, but he can’t find it in his heart to be hurt or angry, he just sighs and maneuvers himself up in the bed next to Jared. “I didn’t mean for it to happen…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, bullshit,” Jared scoffs, “You didn’t mean to marry her or buy a house with her either, but here we are. You don’t get to claim that it’s an accident when you haven’t done a single thing to stop it.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You don’t get to say that, you and Jake have been talking about adopting for months,” Jensen snaps. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes, discussing it. Making an adult decision to become parents, not rolling the dice and taking our chances. Big difference.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And what was I supposed to do?” The question is choked out, laced with worry and emotion. “How do you propose I tell my wife that I don’t want to have unprotected sex? She is taking birth control, there is no good reason not to do it.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How about you not have sex with her at all?” Jared is only mostly kidding, another piece of his heart breaks off and blows away like a dandelion in the wind. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We’ve been married three years, having a baby is the next logical step.” The older man reasons. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Says who? What handbook are you going by? I don’t remember reading that one.” Jared really tries not to be petty, but there are certain times when his feelings get the best of him. “You got married, I didn’t open my mouth, you moved back to Texas and I let you. Now you want me to be okay with this? I’m sorry, you keep moving on and I’m still here, Jensen, I’m still here. Without you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen doesn’t know what to say, it is as close as they get to having a heart to heart these days and it breaks something inside of him.  “I’d take it all back if I could, if I had it to do over, I’d never have left you to begin with. I’d never leave you again.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know you wouldn’t and I know you are sorry, but wishing for something and actually doing something about it are two different things. Doing the same shit, over and over again, but expecting a different result is the textbook definition of insane. Congratulations on the kid, try and be a better father than yours,” Jared says, while flinging the covers back and grabbing his pants off of a nearby chair. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tears that the older man has tried not to cry prickle at his eyes again and for the first time in his life, Jared is not trying to comfort him, not trying to make things better and Jensen needs that from his best friend the most right now. He needs it more than sex or stolen moments or other platitudes. The worst part is he knows he’s not going to get it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen watches as Jared throws his stuff in his suitcase, not bother to fold a single thing, just tossing it in, haphazardly, just like their life. The silence in the room is suffocating and the younger man looks around the room for anything he might have missed, eyes carefully avoiding Jensen’s. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Once the other man has left the room and Jensen alone with his own thoughts, he thinks about how ironic it is that Jared said that he was the one moving on, when Jensen might be physically with another, but Jared has him in every other way. That when it’s said and done, he’s the one who is lonely and can’t get him out of his head. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jensen shuts the engine to his car off, pulls out his phone, types</span>
  <b> I Miss U,</b>
  <span> on the screen and hits sent before he can change his mind. He opens the door, exits the vehicle and walks into the house. The smell of cookies are heavy in the air, when he finds JT sitting on a stool in the kitchen, Ella and her small baby bump standing beside him stirring something in a bowl. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daddy,” the young boy says when he sees his father and jumps down off the stool, rushing into his arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, buddy. Whatcha doing?” Jensen wipes the flour from his son’s face, propping him up on his hip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Making cookies,” the boy replies and Jensen laughs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Ella says, offering him a quick kiss. “How was your day?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jensen leans over to kiss her back, then adjusts JT in his hold. “It was long, glad it’s over.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ella doesn’t say anything, just nods at him and returns to mixing up the dough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jensen thinks of all the things that he regrets over the years, but the boy in his arms is not one of them. He isn’t sorry that it happened. JT is the best thing he has ever done in his life. His son loves him, unconditionally. There are no qualifiers or restrictions on that kind of love, he is probably the only person who doesn’t want anything in return. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The world could go to shit tomorrow and nothing could take this feeling from him.</span>
</p>
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